381.54 Miles Away: What in the World am I Doing in Irvine?

PC: Stella Yau

Dear friends,

I hope you already know this, but I haven't been home for quite a number of days.

Today, I wrote a Letter of Faith and Intention for a scholarship from my church and it was a good time to reflect on how God had managed to flip my life inside out in a matter of two months and why I'm here at Concordia. My letter went WAY over the word count, so I hope it doesn't prolong the council meeting for too long.

Anyway, I thought I'd do the ol' CTRL+C and CTRL+V and share these thoughts with you:

 When I had first applied to Concordia, I was in my senior year of high school. Concordia had accepted me and had given me a music scholarship big enough to accommodate my entire first year. Around that time, I didn't have a clue about what a Director of Parish Music does in a Lutheran church. My image of worship pastors were of the ones I saw on the internet, who serve at contemporary churches with stages that were large and colorfully lit with big flashing lights. At that time, I felt that if that was all I thought a worship pastor is, then perhaps my intentions for wanting to go to school for ministry was skewed. With that, I didn't feel right accepting a scholarship for a ministry major, and turned my back to Concordia.

I still loved to worship God and still loved to lead others in worshiping Him. I thought, perhaps, my calling would be to have another occupation, while I still volunteered as a worship leader at a church. This felt right because I would be serving in worship ministry, detached from a paycheck, and still connected to the world outside of the church in my day job. During this time, I had graduated from high school and attended Skyline Community College as a stepping stone to other things as I tried to find another path to follow. During this time, I dipped my feet into a few different areas of study that interested me, such as electrical engineering and sound engineering, and I was still serving as a tutor at HUL and a worship leader for our church. Up until fairly recently, I had my heart set on finishing a full two years at Skyline and then studying sound engineering at Azusa Pacific University. Geographically, I was heading in the right direction, but God had an entirely different plan for me.

Last summer was the first summer in six years that I did not serve as a counselor for SDC. I felt a great calling to do something musical with my summer, so I served as worship coordinator instead of a full time counselor, allowing me to focus time and energy into planning engaging and gospel-centered worship for our youth ministry. Since I wasn't a counselor in a group, I spent much of my free time at home recording the songs which God has so graciously allowed me to write so that I could share them with our church. I finished and released that CD in October of 2014, and was able to share it with our church and so many of my friends and family. The most encouraging part to myself was that I got to see how my music can encourage others and bring God glory, especially when Auntie Cheryl kept asking me for more so that she could give them to her coworkers. A couple of weeks later, I had lunch with DCE Allan Tong, and he shared with me how he felt moved by the Spirit to tell me the potential I have in full time worship ministry. I had already started to have some of these thoughts myself, so it was all starting to fit together in my head. I realized that I had been trying to run away from the path which God had laid before me a year and a half ago. God gave me a wake up call, telling me that my calling had never changed, but has always been in worship ministry.

It must have been around the end of October when these thoughts started to come together, and around mid-November when I was completely confident in God's calling. I was still so scared of so many things. I wasn't ready to let go of Peace Jr. because I wanted to have another semester's worth time to work with them to train and encourage new leaders. I wasn't ready to let go our church's worship ministry because our leaders were getting spread thin and I had just started to involve some of our youth in praise teams. I wasn't ready to let go of my parents because they had just started to go to church with me, rebuilding their relationships there and being loved upon. I had the hardest time letting go of these things because I hold them so dear to my heart. They are areas which I feel personally convicted to be present in, but I knew that I have a greater conviction in my own growth as a follower of Christ.

By mid-December, I had submitted my application to Concordia, and a week before Christmas, I received my acceptance letter. By then, I had fully committed to my calling to leave home and to go to Southern California to grow in my faith and understanding of God. So in two month's time, my life had turned completely inside out rather abruptly, and God had placed my almost 400 miles from everything that I've learned to love and care for. I sit here today, writing this letter, still wondering how it is that I am sitting in a dorm on Concordia's campus and not in our Parish Hall helping a middle schoolers with their homework if it were not by the will and power of God. Through all this, I've learned that the will of God is indeed good and inescapable. When I stopped resisting God's will for me, God took care of the things which I had to let go of. God provided excellent leaders in Raymond Cai, Anthony Ngo, and Vicki Choy to serve our middle school ministry, and provided Aunties at church to stay connected with my parents. Last Friday, they attended the gospel music event by Ms. Lorraine's invitation where my mom accepted the altar call, deciding that it was time for a change in her life. Praise God for all His might and mercy!

I have only been a student at Concordia for less than three months, but already I am learning so much about God and worship that I could have ever imagined. I'm being fed some very basic and foundational theology that's helping me understand God better. I'm learning more about the biblical basis of worship, as well as getting exposure to traditional Lutheran worship. I believe that it is here at Concordia where God is shaping me into the worshiper and leader which He intends for me to be. In my opportunities to lead worship both on campus and at local schools and churches, I'm already seeing how the unique set of experiences which God has given me at Holy Spirit is allowing me to impact His people. I'm already starting to form ideas of how I think God can use me in worship ministry to impact a church and even the community around it. I can't wait to find out what God has planned for me next. This step to attend Concordia is already such a huge step for me, but has proven to be the best thing that I've ever done. No decision has ever felt so right in my life, and that is because it is 100% God's will, and not my own decision, but my faith to follow God where He leads me. Through God, the giver of life, many greater things must ensue.

"And I will lead the blind in a way they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them."
-Isaiah 42:16  

Peace, love, and BOGO Jamba Juice from your roommate,
-Brandon

Song Share Sunday #11: "Gracious King (God the Greatest)"

Thanks for stopping by for this Song Share Sunday! I appreciate you making the extra trip over from YouTube or Facebook to see what this song is all about and what it means to me! :)

This song is the first one I've intentionally written because I desperately needed it.

My album deadline was coming up and there were still a lot of things I needed to get done for many of the songs. I wanted to record some extra guitars and percussion parts as icing on the cake. Oh, and harmonies, don't ever forget the harmonies! After all that was done, I would need to mix all of my songs and do a couple of revisions until I sent it in to get mastered. It was a really long to-do list, and based on my understanding of my own procrastination, I knew it would be a stretch to get everything done that I wanted to do in time. And being the perfectionist that I am, I knew I would be disappointed when it came time to sacrifice some things on my list.

These things were on my mind a lot in the past month, from trying to sleep at night to driving to and from school, to day dreaming in my Political Science class. All my pondering about what I should record next or what I should get done during the weekend took up all the real estate in my daily attention span that I had none left over for God. When I realized that, I was astounded at myself. All the work I was doing and all the energy I was putting in it are supposed to bring glory back to God, but the way I was doing it, I was trying to bring glory to myself. I admitted to myself, and later to God, that I wasn't giving God the attention he deserves. My devotion had been sitting between the front two seats in my car. My Bible app had been left on whatever verse I had open from God knows when. I didn't even remember where I left my physical Bibles (but I know they're somewhere in my house). I was supposed to be working on this project with God, but I felt like I told God to talk to the hand, like I didn't need his help.

It's like buying flowers for your mom on Mother's Day, then liking the flowers so much that you kept them for yourself. And more than likely, your mom knows how to take care of flowers better than you do, so in your hands, the flowers will wilt away prematurely.

I remember watching an All Sons & Daughters video where David and Leslie shared about how they wrote songs for their church because there was a need for their weakened congregation to be closer to God. I always thought that if you're going to write a song out of a need, it'll be something you need to say to God, or it's something where God speaks the words of the song to you. But I remember the songs that have touched me deep down in my soul the most are the songs we sing during worship. Songs that don't really say much or ask for much, but they just praise God for being who he is. That's why I decided that I needed to write a song, an anthem, for myself to sing, and that every time I sing it, I would be reminded of how great God is in my life.

This song starts out with a simple confession of who God is to me. God is great, and his love is precious to me.

The second half of that verse came from my mentor and friend, David. During a church planning meeting, David opened his devotion with a prayer in which he prayed, "Lord, let your Word be the land which we walk upon." I might have heard this prayed a thousand times, but this time it hit me because I remembered how much I needed to dig back into the Bible.

The rest of the words in this song are, by and large, inspired by a sermon series my pastor Chris Ng did on stewardship. He laid out four truths about who God is. I've always held these truths in my heart, but it took someone laying it out and telling me once again for me to realize how true they were.

The first is that God is good so that I don't need to look elsewhere for satisfaction.

You are good, my heart may find

No one else to satisfy

The second is that God is great so that I don't have to be in control.

God, the greatest

None can compare

The third is that God is glorious so that I don't have to fear.

Glorious, your light will shine

Always cast my fears aside

The fourth is that God is gracious so that I don't have to prove myself.

Oh, gracious king on heaven's throne

Holy is the one who knows

There is also a verse that is my confession to God. Like the line from the third truth, it didn't make its way into the song, but I'll share it with you here:

I confess I've gone astray

I've turned my eyes a downward gaze

But I know your promises are true

You'll always lead me back to you

This song is my anthem. Its my reminder of who God is. And when I am reminded of God's greatness and his goodness, I pray that I won't reduce him to a passing thought in my head.

I pray that this can be your anthem too, a compass to lead you back to God, even if its just a bit closer than you were before.

Stay tuned for the "Run Love Run" album! It's almost ready for release! I'll be releasing a free 3-song sampler EP sometime this week! (You're the first to know!)

Peace, love, and sugar-free pudding (yeech!)

-Brandon

Song Share Sunday #10: "Whenever You're With Me"

Ooh, I'm so happy to share this song with you! It's so special to me in so many ways!

I recently found inspiration to write this song, which is written for my cousins in China, who asked for a song for their weddings this year. I don't know how serious they were when they brought it up, but here it is and here we are. Brandon wrote a love song, guys!

This Song Share, though, is dedicated to my other cousin, a good friend, and their fiances. Congratulations to Selina & Mark and Helen & Tim!

Songwriting has always been a way of confession for me, and this song is no exception. My first songs were fueled by anger, despair, a longing for something greater in my life, and, when I realized that something was God, a longing for more of God in my heart. This song was the first in a long time that was something beyond all of that, fueled by something I hadn't felt in a long time, and more real this time around. This confession is a mixture of how I simply adore the presence of God and also the presence of someone else. That's a secret for me to know and for you to ponder in confusion. :)

But enough about me. Make this song your own and send it to someone you love to be around. I'll love it if you do, and I hope that they do too!

Peace, love, and an overflowing Chipotle burrito that was too spicy on the bottom,
-Brandon

Song Share Sunday #9: "Ode To You (All My Friends)"

Happy Sunday!

Since I missed Song Share Sunday last week, this week, I'm sharing with you a very special song that won't be on the album, but will appear as a bonus track. This is a reminiscence of my childhood friends from the days of colored pencils, crayons, and legos. To all my friends, especially my OG buddies from Francis Scott Key Elementary and Noriega Childcare, this is dedicated to you.

"Let brotherly love continue" -Heb.13.1

Until we see each other once again,

Peace, love, and curry over rice,

-Brandon

Song Share Sunday #8: "I Love You, Lord"

This week's song is very simple. I love the Lord, my God. He made me, He knows me, and He loves me.

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." -Rev.4.8

Peace, love, and pork sung bao,
-Brandon

So What's Been Going On With "Run, Love, Run"?

Hello, my friends!

It has occurred to me that I haven't told you much about what's going on with the "Run, Love, Run" project? Whoops! Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like you (I do very much!), but I've been trying to schedule in as much work as I can before school starts, and I am dying to tell you what I've been doing!

For starters, every week, I do "Song Share Sunday", where I share a new song that will be on the album every Sunday! Most of these videos are the first time anyone's ever heard that song!

So there's that to keep you busy! But if you would like to get an exclusive preview on how one of the new songs are sounding, join the MWR Mailing List, and you will be the first to hear it! Join now, because the exclusive email will be sent out next Wednesday!

I want to take a moment to thank the people who have been so graciously helping me with this project! Thank you so much to Kevin Baek for playing drums and giving the songs life, to Aaron Agudelo for playing guitar parts and ripping solos, to Rachel Chen for playing some sweet piano melodies, and to Alyson Yee for designing an awesome album cover (*hush hush* it's top secret!). All my love and gratitude go out to you! I am blessed to have such talented friends!

Early on in the project, we had the acoustic guitar tracks all laid down, paving the way for drum tracks. Between drum recording days, I found some nice pads for some songs and recorded those first. I spent a good day sitting my living room with Allan's keyboard, flipping through piano sounds and different pads to fit the mood of the song. I also found a pretty interesting patch called "Hollywood Edge FX" which turned out to be a bunch of different war sounds (machine guns and explosions). I think I could hook up some large speakers behind my garage doors and scare some people who happen to be walking by. ;)

We had some good drum recording sessions once camp ended. We figured out a nice way to record the drums so that I could pick the sounds afterwards. I learned a valuable lesson from recording drums: don't forget the sticks and the drum throne. For our first session, I found a thin dowel in my garage and snapped it in half, then Kevin wrapped the tips in electrical tape to protect the drum heads. How's that for frugal? At least it worked!

After recording some electric guitar parts with Aaron, I spent a couple days recording some vocals and redoing some acoustic guitar parts. And after recording some keys with Rachel, all the songs have their foundations. Almost all the songs are ready with drums and bass, so the grooves are all set.

So what's next? Well, as for recording, I plan to finish drums and bass this week, all vocals, harmonies, and electric guitar parts next week, a gang vocal recording day sometime next week, and it's on to mixing and mastering from there.

This is such a huge project for me, and I'm so thankful that God has given me the strength to push through and for the help and support I'm getting along the way. If you've made it this far in this blog post, thank you for believing in me and supporting me even just by taking the time to read this. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayer you put in for me too! I really want these songs to be more than just ear candy, and to bring people together. That is why, sometime further down the road, I will be announcing two very special places where the money from this album's sale will be going. I am extremely excited for this aspect of "Run, Love, Run" because it will serve as a reminder that we can all do something to help those around us. So stay tuned for that announcement!

In the mean time, listen to the acoustic videos of the songs that will be on this album! About half of them we sang before at an Allan and Friends Concert, but the rest are completely never-heard-before new songs! I try to do one every Sunday, and hope to keep it going even after "Run, Love, Run". Do share this with other people! That will help a lot! :)

Please continue to pray for me and this project, as we're about halfway through. I can't wait to see how this turns out and what new doors God will open for it!

Oh, and did I mention that there will be a bluesy melodica solo? :)

Peace, love, and Costco pork chops,
-Brandon

Song Share Sunday #7: "Unfixable"

This Sunday, I share with you an old song. It may be new to you, but it's old to me, which makes it that much better. :)

This song is from the "Chapter 35" EP, and if you haven't heard it yet, head on over here to get for free! Without money and without cost, it is my gift to you!

This song is especially precious to me because it came in a time of desperate pleas and painful cries for God to fix the things that were broken in my life, many of which I had my own hand in messing up. The beautiful thing about the valleys in relationships is that it shows me how much I need Jesus and allows me to tell God through lyrics and a gentle picking of my guitar.

That part of my life was getting increasingly stressful and frustrating, and the one thing I kept asking God was, "Why would you keep putting me in these situations? What's the point?" Ties were breaking here and there, and we were setting bridges on fire. All I could do was to sit and watch as this relationship ate me up from the inside out. Fixing was beyond my reach. Healing was out of my sight. And all I wanted was for my Father to come in and clean up my mess.

Growing up in a fellowship and discipled for a growing spirit, I've stored three truths inside my heart. The first is that God is always good. My doubts and fears would never change that. The second is that God has His own way. The cliched saying that everything happens for a reason holds true to me, because my good God was a purpose for everything that happens in my life. The last is that God will always love me. My sins and iniquities would never change that.

These three truths are where the core of this song comes from. Even though I could not fix my life, and it felt as if nothing would ever get better and that it will only go in the opposite direction as long as I breathed, I knew that my God is bigger than all of that. My God is bigger than my fears and pains. That's because this is His world, not mine. And I am His child, not my own person.

I pray that this song will encourage you to always know and believe and God will never forsake you and leave you in pieces. We may fall, and we may stumble, but God will pick us up and heal us, even if He has to drag us, kicking and screaming, out from the sorry mess we call OUR life. And He will show us a better light.

He gives. He takes away. But blessed be His glorious name.

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Heb.13.5

Amen.

Peace, love, and the bitter melon that Kevin loves,
-Brandon