Welcome to Song Share Sunday, where I hope to share a new song every week from the "Run, Love, Run" album as well as some other songs as long as the project is in the works, though I hope to be done in 9 weeks. (*wink wink* that's how many tracks are on the album) I'll mostly share a little of the background of the songs in the beginning of each video for those who don't make it here to the blog, but here you will find the meaty and complete story behind each song. I promise that I will do my best to be as honest as I can to you and myself.
This week, we're kicking it all off with a song called "How Do I Believe."
This song is a huge prayer of mine (and maybe yours, too), loaded with doubt, fear, and a deep yearning for God to be present. This song came about when I was asking God why all these bad things keep happening to me. These things aren't necessarily bad, as God's great plan often includes stumbles and falls in order for me to grow and for Him to pick me up, but nonetheless, I was frustrated, tired, and angry in the moment.
There are also some parts in this song where I would ask myself how long I would last before my spirit or my body broke. I always knew that I need to go through many trials in my life in order for God to refine me, and I also recognized that God is a masterful builder, and it will be a long time before I am ready to be a masterpiece. So I wondered if I would make it to the end, or would I lose hope when I had no more strength, both in my physical body and in my will to patiently wait for healing and change.
This song started with my doubts and fears, but it continued on through my witness of a strong warrior whose relentless passion in serving the Lord continues to inspire me every day. I've served side by side with this brother, Ray, for five consecutive summers, where we discipled young middle schoolers and introduced them to Jesus Christ. Ray is the type of guy who loves his students and is saddened by the thought of missing a week of camp and not being able to interact with them before he even meets them. Besides being a passionate servant, Ray is also a passionate athlete, always balling as hard as he can. With that said, Ray had his share of injuries and surgeries, many of which held him back from giving summer camp his all, and he was so hurt by that. Last summer, Ray had to miss about half of the entire camp because of school, surgery, and his "ball-too-hard" incident, and, boy, was his heart broken. I continued writing this song for Ray, because I knew this was a prayer he had in his heart many, many times.
I finally finished this song on an MTR train in Hong Kong at the end of a short mission. I was meeting my (then) girlfriend for dinner, and I was feeling just the right emotions to make me whip out my Evernote app on my phone to search for the right words to lay down to complete the song. So far, I had verses that screamed the weariness and burdens in my heart and begged God to put an end to my suffering. I was frustrated, tired, angry, and most of all, unsure of what to do. But my time of screaming and crying was up, because at that moment, the numerous people coming on and going off the train disappeared, the train tracks disappeared, and God spoke to me. He shut my mouth from saying any more and opened my heart to the sound of His still, small voice. This is what God said:
Is it not enough for you to let me take it all? Is it not more than everything that you don't have to fall? You can stand on mountains. You can reach the stars. If only you give me your heart.These lines never made to the final song, not because it wasn't good enough, but perhaps because it such a precious moment of mine with my Father, that it is better kept between me and Him. Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:6 that the most intimate of moments with the Lord should be private and not boasted to the entire world. It is not forever lost, though, because it did make it to an earlier version of the demo which is only in the hands of some of my closest brothers and sisters who have always encouraged me in my music.
May these words touch your hearts as they have touched mine. Stay tuned for God's response to this prayer in next week's Song Share Sunday! Thank you for reading!
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Peace, love, and Ikea's cinnamon rolls,
-Brandon
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